For those days

For the days where you feel empty, listless or don't feel like your "usual" self.

Remind yourself that your happiness is decided by you. By the actions you make. By the things you choose to prioritise.
Don't let someone else ruin or make your day. Don't give them the benefit of controlling you, even when they don't realise that they are or can.

Ask yourself, What can I do to make myself feel better?
Eat? Sleep? Take a walk? Exercise?
Take care of your pets? Tidy your living area?
Write? Colour? Draw? Music?
Window shopping? Binge watch movies?

Let the day be for yourself to make you feel better. Do something that makes you feel satisfied. Tune to your senses and awareness. Feel fully and deeply. Be human.

Tell yourself, It's okay to be a little more self centered and enclosed in your own bubble. But only for this period of time.

"Just for now, I'll be better soon."

Timings

24 Nov 

1am plus


Sleep, the body calls out
No don't, the voice begs
You haven't thought about this
That
Those
And them

.

Sometimes the voice is louder than anything else
Louder than the calls of your tired body
Louder than your will to stay positive
Louder than the cries of your heart

.

The dark abyss is torturous
It is suffocating
It is deep
It is not always understood
It is not felt by everyone
But
It is also
Ironically
Safe

-

7pm plus


They are the standards of society
They fit the bill perfectly
Attractive
Intelligent
Polished
Fine tuned to perfection
They are the standards of society
They are not humans
They are robots

.

Tired
Close your eyes
Tired
Lay your body down
Tired
Clear your mind
Tired
Take your life


26 Nov 

12:40am

Perish now
Vanish now
Into smithereens
Into air

.

For once, I don't want to know
I don't want to know how your day was
I don't want to know if you've ate well
I don't want to know about your plans
I don't want to know what's worrying you
For every time, who am I lying to?

-

10:06pm


That feeling when you look back at past photos
When you see the people that have been in your life
Where you have been passersby to each other
Then you look at your recent photos
Wondering if you've changed
If you've helped the world even in a slightest bit
Wondering, This is my life huh
Looking at yourself as if from bird's eye view
"Is this how I want to live?"

.

Am I going to wait?
Or am I going to move on?

Is it worth it?
Or its worth is decide by me?

Wrong places

One world

Billions of people

Who will you meet?

Mum said that

the people you meet in this life

Family, friends, colleagues, even passersby

are those you've came across in your previous life

What were we in our former lives?

-

In the many moments of life,

there are actually many different possibilities

Often we're caught up in our minds

On one single thought one single method

Scared to move, afraid to try

When can we ever be ready?

What will be around the next bend,

We may be stronger that we think

-

I said that mundane is all I am

Average results in education, normal appearance and even the middle child

The very average, normal and middle amongst everything

She said what's bad about being normal?

-

I think about all the things

That I could have done

That I could have learnt

That I could be doing

That I could be learning

I could have stayed to hear your reply

I could have stayed to continue learning the clarinet

I could be learning about the the types of clouds in the sky

I could be learning how to drive

I could be trying to get an arborist certification

I could be getting myself a better camera

Why did I and why am still I stopping myself?

-

Some stuff I wrote while taking the train the past two days or so. Haven't written here or on my other blog for a while. The nagging and suffocating feeling is back

Rollercoaster ride of anxiousness

7 days before the day

5 days... 3 days... 2 days...

1 day before the day

Before the day

that officially starts the next phrase in your life

Are you ready?

Can we ever be ready?

-

A "connection" is what others see

Headphones donned, tuned to each another's hearts

Red threads intertwined, linked to each another's little finger

Mouths taped, silence stretches

For a slip of the tongue

may just push them off the territory of friendship

All about YOU

Have you ever felt 

the stuffy feeling like everything is piling up,

depriving you of oxygen

and making you feel a heaviness in the chest?

Urgh I don't feel like writing in such a way today. I think I need the long kind of draggy posts with paragraphs and paragraphs of words. Which I do so in my other blog cause there's so much details that I would rather leave else where, while here is the more structured kind of writing?? And usually I'll have an image at the start of every post on my other blog while I want to keep things cleaner here. Or try to, cause now I'm disrupting the usual rhythm of this place :p

But yes. Feelings. So suffocating at times. When you get head over heels, too caught up in your thoughts. In another world that is most likely far from the true form of reality - which we can't even be sure of what we see/know even when we are more "balanced". But confusing is just how the world in our minds and reality are

Sometimes we get stuck in that make-believe world in our minds that just seem so real. At least that's what it'll feel like. Sometimes it can drag for longer periods of times, making us feel like we're less than anything/demoralized, less than who we already are. Or maybe we end up seeing ourselves as "victims" to what everyone else does around us, as if like they are hating on us and after what we have

That's when we'll have to notice and look upon ourselves, about how we are feeling, why we are feeling so and if should we continue to feel like that or not. I mean that times it's okay to feel like a useless piece of poop and be sulky. But think about it, it's technically mostly in the mind, made up by things inside, but what is the current reality/facts that you're facing?

Also there are self checks on our mental/emotional sides. Reminding yourself of what you want to be - this I learnt from a video where by the speaker states down 3 qualities to define the "ideal" self that he wants to be. So when he realizes that he falls off balance, he'll bring up the 3 qualities to remind himself of who he currently is as a person and what he aims to be. Even something as simple as walking away to a different room or environment, or taking a deep breath, drinking some water, and tuning to all your senses of the current moment may help. It's all in order to feel linked to reality, grounded and to encourage yourself.

Just to remember that at some point of time, WE will have to pull OURSELVES back to reality. No one else can really pull us up as much as ourselves. Something that comes from within yourself will feel most satisfying too! At times if we focus too much on how we feel, we may actually be dwelling too deep and end up inflicting more hurt than necessary upon ourselves. So yeah, drag yourself away from that state of mind and pull the focus away from feelings. Get outta your mind! Turn them into actions. Talk to your close friends, family, counselor, etc if possible. Don't carry everything yourself. Maybe even help someone else with something or your family with a chore. Anything that's not harmful to yourself. Focus on something else, do something that makes you feel more centered/happy/productive :)

Honestly I'm writing all these because I'm currently feeling crappy and writing is just something that I turn to - usually I write when I'm feeling negative feelings but not that I don't share about happy events of course HAHAHA. It's that I realize that this method has been the most effective in expressing myself so far. And there are other reasons as to why I write. Like because I don't trust my memory, everyone has their own stories and Life to live - there aren't as many listeners as talkers(?) in this world and even I tryyy to be a listener more, and I feel less judged on this online platform - or more like I care less about judgement here? There has also been moments when I wonder maybe it can be seen as me being too talkative in another way, or me trying to back the lack of attention or something - but that's another set of opinions so shushhh

Ya know what, in the end I kind of just hope that writing will not only help me but also make people/you guys to think or feel differently - whether good or bad I'm not too sure, or make y'all feel that you're not alone? I mean I think that'll be another, if not, even greater thing to be able to achieve. Really hope everyone finds some sort of method or activity that will help yourself get out of your mind when needed! Also feel free to leave comments if you'll like to, we can have a discussion?? :)

And I'll most likely be back to writing short stuff here so yeah. Till next timeee

Sometimes

Sometimes 

I wonder 

what will happen if you are still around

Sometimes 

I wonder 

what you will tell us if you are here

Sometimes 

I wonder 

if you will be disappointed or encouraging about our current state

Sometimes 

I wonder

if it is good that you left because you are in a better place now

Always

always remembering you

-

Losing someone you care about

is like having a hole dug out of your heart

in an instant

The void is never quite filled up by anything

because nothing else can match up to it

You just carry on with the missing piece

Rising up, slipping and falling, picking yourself up, moving on

Repeating the process

every time the memories cripple you

-

They said that 

Happiness came from within yourself

They said that 

Happiness is a decision you made

They said that 

Happiness is a result of your reaction to an issue

They said that 

Happiness shouldn't come from any other person

They said

Something something something

I wish that it doesn't matter

But it does so much to me

Too much

-

Ding ding

Her phone vibrates

Click

She unlocks her phone

Sweep

The application opens

Boop

A notification pops up

Tap

He likes her post

Thump

Her heart sounds

-

A few years ago, 

he asked him the question

A few years ago,

She hesitated at the door for a split second

deliberating if she wanted to hear his reply

A few years later,

she wondered what would have happened

if she stayed to listen

A few years later is Now,

and she still wonders

-

Opposites are what they are

If only their hearts could align like parallel lines

Parallel lines can never meet

but at the very least

they are always beside each other

-

Thoughts running

and words are rendered useless

I can't form them into proper sentences

-

Feeling so damn rusty/lousy about these writings...

#alibabawritings