Y3S1

Guess I'm still doing this. Another semester that passed extra quickly. It's one where people and watching living things grow (isopods, plants, mycelia) keep me sane. Honestly it feels like I've been dragging myself through a mental swamp the whole semester though. Anyways here it goes - 

Mentally 

• Not sure why this semester is more mentally draining than I thought. Is urops the answer, an excuse or what? Though a portion of stuff I'm concerned about seem to be beyond school. More on self-esteem, the general anxiousness that graduation will come soon, thinking about what success means to myself, etc
• My memory seriously sucks (my brain is not a fresh sponge), or maybe it's because I still wonder if any of these will be required in future? Maybe I'm after the use of things and not for the thirst of knowledge, especially for certain mods. Sometimes it feels like we do things for the sake of just doing than actual learning. Like when feedback is provided but it's not like we get a chance to resubmit an edited version
• Never thought that I would become an isopod parent and they're keeping me sane cause checks on them = mental breaks for me. I'm probably a monster for shining my phone light at them every so often

Timetable and Sleep

• Had more classes starting at 12noon, which makes for odd lunch timings so most of the time I get to school earlier to check on my experiments then lunch in school before class. And in general, it means that I can wake up at a saner hour and not stress about "sleeping early". Though I really need to drop everything and just sleep when I need to. Odd how my body clock really likes 7:30am this semester

Research

• Taking a year-long 3k urops. It takes up more time and mental capacity that I thought. From finding and doing readings, planning, executing, reiterations/adjustments/checks throughout the whole process coupled with dashes (no, bucket loads) of self-doubt along the way... 
• Sometimes it comes to the point of just do, don't think. Just got to trust that we made the best decision at that point in time... I shall find out what more is to come LOL
• To maintain sanity in the lab: One must make sure to eat, drink and go toilet. I get the reluctance to stop the flow of work though. I'm (hopefully) better now and snacking/packing something along is the bare minimum!
• Am blessed with lab mates who I can bounce off thoughts with, have yapping/ sanity/ meal check-ins with, and share equipment with, including helping each another to collect stuff, check stuff and pressing buttons, etc
• Would actually be great if there was more time/ focus on the "growing" part of the project?

Other thoughts

• Whether in school or out of school, "Friends for a reason, friends for a season, or friends for a lifetime" still applies
• I think I measure the amount of effort I put into things way more than ever. Kind of like "meh that's good enough for a 1k mod", or "that's good enough for something I'm not that into", or in general - not going after things that potentially wouldn't reciprocate to the same level. I sound jaded LOL
• Somehow there's the freedom of doing anything I want during the weekends when full time working, at least that was for my previous roles where I didn't have to be (physically) working on most weekends. While now as a student, I would be doing assignments. Conclusion, I need to spend more time to do things that really matter to me?
• imo I still have no discipline when it comes to academics HAHAHA

As usual, above ramblings are mine and mine only. Seems like there are recurring themes/ trains of thoughts that stick throughout the semester reflections - not sure what else I can think about?

Y2S2

Back with another end of semester thought dump, it's the start of reading week before finals, after which year 2 would be officially overrrr. Probably not gonna reread the whole thing before posting so incoherence is the way. First thing first, major credits to biscuits and sweets, naps, cats, study spots in school for helping me to survive this semester (so drama) but yes appreciation. Okay let's go -

Damn this semester whizzed past so fastttt. Maybe it's because certain parts were especially fun? Maybe because of the workload? No one knows. Also only now then I realize how I barely did anything that I would consider was destressing, like it didn't cross my mind? Seriously what happened to the time?

Side note, content of the thought dump this round is partly influenced by the conversations I had with friends and groupmates!

• Friends, Groupmates, Reminders

As much as I'm not a major supporter of "people making things tolerable", it is very much so this semester.

Had even more familiar faces this semester cause more LSM mods (some higher level mods FINALLY) and fortunately groupmates that were able to do work. I finally tried overloading this semester, and though it was just 4 more credits, it's the combination of mods and people that made it manageable. Thank goodness :,)

Though as usual 13 weeks each semester is too cruel for making new friends and yay it's not just me who thinks so.

Also is it just me or that life is weird in the sense that certain lessons just keep re-appearing till you get it. Some reminders from conversations that I had this semester -

-  Rest is important. So that you can do more in the long run

-  Friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime

-  Making peace with yourself at the end of the day, on the basis of knowing that you made the best decision for yourself at that point in time. Regrets only come when looking back, which you couldn't have predicted for them

• Higher level modules vs Lower level modules

Took two 3k mods (once again, higher level mods FINALLY) this semester and am wondering it the differences between higher level mods and lower level mods is this: higher level mods allow you to otot with lesser number of deadlines overall, while lower level mods have more handholding and require more memorizing with more number of deadlines. I guess I'll find out more with time cause it might just be the preferences of the Profs.

Was initially concerned about trying to 3k mods together but it turned out well for me cause I liked that they gave the instructions for everything early and I could otot do a bit along the way/ finish it first. Definitely helped with lightening the workload during crunch time (T.T)

• Doing my "measured best", Questioning grades

Somehow the mindset of doing my "measured best" not "doing my best" works out for me even though it seems more like a language thing. Maybe "doing my best" involved placing equal amount of effort in everything while "measures best" reminds me to stop at a certain time and just let things go. Also maybe cause to a certain extent I already know where I stand academically?

Some questions that arose from conversations that I had this semester -

-  Does effort translate fairly to grades? What even is fairness in this case?

-  Do grades co-relate to the chances of getting a job?

Side note, it was interesting to hear that some Profs are pushing for the removal of finals cause of its regurgitation style of testing, and due to existing large number of CA submissions (reports, projects, presentations, quizzes, etc) required already, though some mods in turn disguise finals as CA tests of heavy weightage instead. Systemic things...

• Skills?

Assignments this semester highlighted my lack of skills in the department of linking ideas/pointers from doing lit review and the ability to yap (is it actually a skill of persuasion). Apparently yapping and fluff is the norm, hmm don't ask me about it (o.O)

• Not me: "I just wonder if mixing with the younger kids longer make you feel young again"

Yes in certain scenarios and not that I do/ use the following but just being surrounded by these things make me feel younger somehow LOL -

-  Slangs and online stuff: not me, fr, ngl, atb, is not it, typing in caps, using way more stickers

-   Drive for things, just try attitude: I consider the hustle as part of this too

-  Standing up for themselves: eg. feedback to Prof when group dynamics not working out

• Gist of other thoughts

-  Discipline:

Bringing this point back cause I realized how having an excel of all deadlines in chronological order and their respective details, really helped to keep me on track this semester. Also same as before studying in school and out of school whenever needed/ possible too. Think it was also the workload that "forced" me to be more focused.

-  Identity:

Not having those weird identity crisis like in Y1S1 for sure

-  Perspective of a degree:

imo still not a majorly grand thing at a larger scale (but is an experience I guess?), still a stepping stone, still not totally sure about how it'll fit in with work in future

-  About entering the workforce again:

Equally as anxious as any other student tbh cause naturally, nothing is for sure

• Word bank for Week 13

Just amused by the number of times these words and phrases occurred during week 13 and they really signified our state of mind and body? "...going for last lecture? see how, skipping, jiayous, rushing, CA/report/test, overslept, atb, relief after submitting, sick, crashed, rest soon"

Okay I think that's pretty much all. Lazy to end "properly" so till next time,