Y2S1

It's that time of the academic year again. Days could be long but semesters are short - concept of time is weird. I shall do these end of semester reflection/ thoughts dump for as long as I have something new or changing? Not unusually the type to reread my journal (hardcopy) entries but I do so for these. Probably because sometimes it feels like my work life before returning to academic life didn't happen but moments of reflection reminds me that it did. I sound delusional HAHAH okay onto the thought dump -

• Interest vs Effort

Recall telling myself to pick battles previous semesters and this semester feels like one where I really did. Initially thought that I will be the type to balance my effort between modules equally as much as possible - but nope. Reality is not such.

It really depended on my level of interest in the modules. And for those with group work, it affected what type of role (lead vs supporting) I would take and the amount of time/effort I spend on them. Overall, it meant that some compulsory modules naturally weren't at the top of my priorities (o.o) Hopefully I wasn't an absolutely shitty group member though.

I suppose it's not so much of whether it is good or bad, but rather just self-realization about how I operate in a academic scenario. But in comparison, forcing myself to do commit to all modules equally is probably torturous/ not sustainable for me.

• Grades vs Skills

Starting to find that it helps to balance things out with different strategies/perspectives. Just me grappling with school, and arbitrarily naming things.

Grades strategy:

- Chasing grades and involves managing academic expectations of oneself cause peer pressure and school's expectations.

It's easy to forget that the purpose is to get a taste of things. When it seems like getting things right within short period of time and with few tries, is expected? Hm whether that is always possible or something one wants to be involved in, are probably separate questions?

Skills strategy:

- Grabbing skills and opportunities of interest: study plan, minors, research projects, internships, external events, etc.

Study planning is probably one of the most important things to carry out, which really depends on what one might want to learn/experience. It's also okay to make changes to study plans along the way. PS: spoke to some professors this semester and it sounded like internship/work experience/taking related mods help with getting or prepping for research projects.

• Kaching

Giving a mention to occurrences relating to money cause I didn't expect them.

- A random moment of course mates having the impression that I'm more "rich" than them, which doesn't make sense to me. Am using savings from work so it's just a scenario of "my future self already paid my current expenses" in advance, instead of having to repay anyone in future.

- Which comes to the point of some students having part time jobs or small business. tbh I think that they deserve recognition for such effort (regardless of reasons for doing so).

- Cause I'm now going by "student budget", meetings with full-time working friends are mostly based on that. Thank youuu friends

• To be continued

Now I might be able to answer the question (can't recall who asked in Y1) of whether I am "more disciplined" as an older student - No, I don't think so. At least not to my expectations. Similarly I need environment conducive for studying (which varies between individuals) and time for resting. So discipline always feels like a work in progress/never enough? Sometimes I try to quantify the hours I spend just to be more objective to myself :')

Separately, I suppose for most people it's our first time going through uni (and life actually), sometimes we forget that and end up being too tough on ourselves. At the same time, it's tricky to be honest with ourselves about what is within our comfort zone and how much we have to step out of it for growth to happen. Maybe uncertainty feels the same at any stage or age in life. Till next time,

Y1S2

Hi hello so I decided to have an open reflection for this semester too. I realized that some pointers from last semester (this semester too) may apply to anyone in general and that's okay imo. This semester, I'm more used to the uni life in terms of timetable and that I'm indeed a broke student ($.$). Ohkay arbitrary segregation of incoherent thoughts as follow -

System-wise stuff

• Expectations of school and oneself
  I feel like I'm almost jaded of the education system in the sense that I'm aware that it that cannot change and sometimes it's almost like I don't want to fight it (aka chase for grades, for the sake of grades that are given based on fixed set of criteria). Of course there's peer pressure and one's expectations' of oneself so it's a challenging balance to maintain. I try to remind myself that there are more important stuff in life and to be involved in those stuff too. At the end of the day, I don't want to butcher myself for the sake of education, you know?
  
  
• Exemptions / Advance placement credits
  They may or may not apply or be beneficial to one so take note to understand how they work. I realize that my exemption from bridging biology module might not have been the best thing for higher level modules related to human bio which I have no background of at all (extra self study T.T)

Social stuff

• Loneliness, adult learners and more about "taking the road less travelled" as my friend calls it
  tbh in semester 1, I didn't mention that I looked up online to see what other people who entered university "later than normal" felt and I was like WOW relatable. It was also nice when one of my group members this semester who knows of another adult learner, told me that "she feels the same (loneliness) too". After which my group member wondered aloud "Why don't they have an adult learners group for people like you in school?". I appreciate the thought!
  
  In a way, our lives have diverged away from others who are similar in age as us, and we're not doing what most people our ages are doing. The content of our conversations we used to have changes, and sometimes it feels more relatable when I share about school stuff with classmates, than people I previously talk about work with. Which of course is natural, and for sure our relations with people run deeper than just school or work related topics. Maybe it's just a change that I didn't foresee to happen.
  
  Also sometimes I get the impression it slips people's minds that I'm on a student budget (more selective with my spendings) or that my closest friends are working adults (not following academic timetables). Hm it's not a big deal but something else unexpected to experience?

Personal stuff

• Discipline
  Have definitely been less disciplined this semester, might be a combination of my level of interest in the compulsory modules and the method of assessment (mostly tests/exams than continuous assessment/projects), and me having a bit more of a life out of academics compared to previous semester. All in all, my grades might plunge but my mental health (not involving academics) is better. Tradeoffs, that's all that I can say for now.
  
  Though for sure I realize that I'm more focused in school and public libraries, and if I happen to be with a study buddy. Less fidgety, less distracted. I also hope to sleep and wake up at more consistent timings, something that I can adjust over the coming break
  
  

• Independence
  Small note that as someone who bids for modules on my own, it's nice to see familiar and meet new faces who pull me into discussions about the challenging parts of our modules. Maybe I don't need to only rely on myself after all
  
  As for bidding mods on my own, it's not so much that I'm avoidant of people but that I don't quite "need" to get into the same classes with people that I come to know of. We have varying mods and hence timetables. But maybe in higher mods when I meet people who have more similar interests, it may happen. For now I'm alright. I think that independence is definitely my double-edge sword since my working days
  
  

• Ability to math
  Another small note, can I just say that my brain cannot math all along and that it doesn't help that I'm so resistant to math-ing now, when it's probably me mentally hindering myself. Self-fulfilling prophecy? The last time I had to math seriously was too long ago
  
  

• Identity and self-doubt
  Sometimes I zoom out and it almost feels like my work life never happened and then I go how did I manage to get into uni (not that a university education guarantees anything)... but yeahhh a thought that comes and goes, something for me to chew on my own.
  Also thoughts like: How does school content relate to work? Will my work experience still be relevant after graduation?
  Random point but the screen time of a uni student compared to during my previous job is no joke
  
  

• Higher level modules
  tbh I'm waiting for the higher level modules which cover content that I choose to learn about, they're probably increasingly challenging but should be more relatable to what I want to get out of school. Also I probably shouldn't take only compulsory modules in a single semester, that's what I unintentionally did and it feels like a bummer somehow HAHAH

Well that's that. If I had to attempt,

• tldr would be: Pick your battles, maintain your sanity in university.

I suppose it applies to life in general too. This has been a more personal entry compared to Y1S1's? Anyway till next time,