Battles and Knots

Some battles that only we can fight, some knots that only we can unravel.

Honestly

Filtered conversations
Dodging imaginary bullets
Can I tell you what I really mean?

Scabs

Don't pick at

healing wounds, 

closed doors 

and lost chances

Still here

Maybe it’s okay that you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Maybe you should stop predicting and controlling and enjoy each moment as it comes. 

— Mandy Hale

. 

When you have difficulty in self expression and people you don't know have right words that speak for you. 

Need some self recognition and to breatheee

Mental

So it has been a while. As always melancholy or sadness has always been my drive to write something. Whether it is here or elsewhere. 

Tonight I decide to write because of a slightly different reason. I was about to write because of this suffocating feeling inside but then recalled about a couple of things that I learnt earlier this week. And kinda thought of using this as a reminder,  and maybe as a platform to share with anyone else who may find it helpful. 

Last Thursday and Friday, I attended a course called EQ in Customer Service for Frontline Officers. Honestly at first I thought, What could I gain out of it since I'm not really a frontline staff? Yes my name is skeptical (LOL)

Alright, straight to the points okay. The idea is that EQ starts with recognition, management and communication of our own emotions before we can have effective deals with others.

Emotional Self Awareness - 
One method is Increasing awareness of your patterns of actions and how it impacts others.
Patterns of actions refers to your behaviour towards others or situations. Those things you do without consciously realising - like speaking out of anger and end up hurting people or resulting in the no longer being open with you, etc.
It's kind of a good method that helps you to realise how you can be a better person for yourself or when with others. In my case I think it helps me knock some sense into my head before I go far into a situation and end up getting swallowed up.

Emotional Self Management -
We also learn that, in layman's terms, our emotional (limbic) brain travels 80,000 times faster that our logical (cortical) brain when Emotional hijack happens.
Here's where the need for Awareness, Pausing/Slow down/Taking a deep breath, Positive self-talk/Consequential thinking and Making the choice + Responding, comes in.
It takes up to 6 seconds for the logical brain to catch up with the emotional brain, hence the need for pausing/slowing down/taking a deep breath to give some time for that. 
It's also because of the lack of awareness and management that we become out of control and have outbursts.

Emotional Self Motivation -
Under this topic, our trainer shares with us that research has been done and found that in difficult situations, 70-80% of our self-talk that comes naturally are of negative nature. That it is a Choice that is made, to force oneself to think and talk to oneself positively.
Makes sense right. 

Honestly I don't know if these knowledge will stay with me, for sure I've learnt a couple of new things. And applying then is always the key. Overall the course has made so much sense, like Wow kind of feeling HAHAH

Our trainer ended off the course with a simplified version of this impactful story, using the negative vs positive self-taught reference -

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

The wolf that you feed is the one that wins.

PS, I didn't proof read and don't feel like it so yeah.

For now, B R E A T H E .

Till next time, 

One eight

Just when I thought that

I am numb beyond expressing my true feelings

Tears fell from my face

Because I told myself that tears and explanations will not change any issue

-

One is not entitled

To feel sadness or regret

For something that

One did not chase after

Right?

-

Tied down by the fear

Of change and failure

When will my shackles release me?

I am tired of how I am treating myself